Apologies
by Ou Yang Jing
Summary: A short story, before the events of Advent Children. About Cloud and his lingering feelings for Aerith.
1. Apologies

**12/12/04 cheesy chorus breaks in UPDATED!!! I updated my story. It's a bit longer and I fixed some of the grammar mistakes. Don't dare say anything about Aeris' name, okay? I've seen many ways of spelling it. Okay, I SO forgot to put a disclaimer on this here do-hickey. You know, I think it's a pain in the tookus, but you know that the one time that I don't someone is gonna come out to get me. This is my first ever fan fiction that I wrote. It was lovingly brought to life my senior year of high school. This was even before news about Advent Children had leaked out. My teacher assigned us a 50 chapter novel for our FINAL!! There was much hair loss and gnashing of teeth that semester. _shakes fist and curses his name_ I think it was the first chapter we started on. This is actually my love child. I thought about trying my hand at writing a chapter story and well, I don't know how that's gonna go. My computer CRASHED over Thanksgiving break and with it went my chapters that I had started on. Thank goodness I have them saved elsewhere. _wipes sweat from brow_ I would have murderized someone dead if I lost them. This will be a companion piece to my chapter story "The ghost woman and the hunter."**

**Anyway. If you couldn't tell already, I am a Final Fantasy fanatic. FFVII is probably one of my favorites, along with FFX of course XD. It's some of the most beautiful game animation I have ever seen in my life. I could ball my eyes out. The stories of both are so great. Kudos to the creators for a job well done!! And don't forget about the AWESOME Nobuo Uematsu. Wonderful, beautiful scores.**

**So here it is…my DISCLAIMER: I DO NOT 100, absolutely not, not even close, though I wish with all my black little heart that I did, own the characters or storyline of the epic RPG, Final Fantasy 7. But this little fiction, of course, is mine. NO TOUCHY!!! XD**

**By the way, did you guys know that the name of Sephy's sword, the Masamune (Ma-sa-moo-nay), is actually the name of a GREAT, and very much famous, Japanese Samurai sword smith? Of course you didn't. He perfected a certain technique or heating of steal or something. Quite valuable pieces. I watched a special on him on the History Channel. The More You Know XD**

_I hear a voice_

_A voice resounding through the sky_

_That stopped crying._

_It has shot through the target of my heart._

_Chasing the summer that I spent with you,_

_I pass through the end of winter._

_The words that I heard from you that day _

_Are guiding me._

_The smell of a snow storm;_

_High frequencies mixed in a harmony._

_There are more than enough memories,_

_But if I turned around I could lose just as much._

_So I recklessly went down that road,_

_Praying for tomorrow._

_The wild, sleeping within,_

_Is guiding us to the eternal,_

_Endless, irreplaceable dream._

_ "Cloud 9" By Yoko Kanno/ Performed by Maaya Sakamoto (?)_

**_Apologies "A Companions eternal farewell."_**

Cloud had only been there twice before; once alone, once not.

"Sorry..." he said softly as he looked down upon the grave site in front of him.

Four years had passed since that day. The day that he lost a part of himself. He regretted not doing something. In fact he should have done something, but all he could do was stand there and watch as the scene took place before him. His mouth was dry, his eyes burning, his heart aching-...

"You have nothing to be sorry for, Cloud," Tifa said, interrupting his thought. She gently put her hand on his shoulder. He covered her hand with his own, silently thanking her for coming. He probably should have gone alone but he was comforted by her presence. After all, she was a close friend of hers, too. She was there that day four years ago.

He came back to his senses and started to clear away all the trash and debris that littered his special spot. Satisfied that the area was clean, he knelt down on one knee and began to recall the event that had shattered his soul.

_She had left the group, saying that she was putting everyone else in danger, and she needed to do this on her own. She had plagued his dreams, always letting him know that she was all right.  
She had always been their heart. In fact, their journey had started with just the two of them. She was the reason for it all. He had fallen in on her after the rector had exploded. He knew he didn't like the whole idea of working for Barrett, and that was the reason why; he always seemed to get his butt singed. He had no idea what he was getting himself into when he agreed to be her body guard. All he knew was that the Turks were after her, and he hated the Shinra. So he had promised to protect her, and in exchange, she would go on a date with him. It wasn't exactly his ideal payment. Actually he could have cared less, dating just wasn't his thing. But for some reason he couldn't turn her down and he wouldn't just because she wasn't offering him money. He was glad he had taken the job._  
_ Soon, things got out of hand. Section 7 had been crushed by the plate above, Aeris had been kidnapped and now he had to play hero. It wasn't that it was any challenge for him though. Those Shinra soldiers punched like girls. But, he was careless and so they were caught. They weren't in there long. After one night in their luxurious cells, he awoke the next morning to find that his door was unlocked and the guard had been murdered. Upon further investigation, they found President Shinra, at his desk, with a sword sticking out of his back. Sephiroth's sword. Sephiroth who was suppose to be 5 years dead. After a brief confrontation with Rufus Shinra, and beating up those girls on the motorcycles that chased them out of the city, they decided to leave. Each for different reasons. He mostly because he had wanted to find Sephiroth. So, the 5 of them started out, traveling the world, searching for parts of his past and maybe Sephiroth.  
They soon added four more friends to the group: Cait Sith, Cid, Yuffie and Vincent. Only after a little more traveling did Aeris leave. Not long after, they found themselves at the City of the Ancients, following the trail they hoped would lead to Aeris, and that's where Sephiroth decided to show his ugly mug ( A/N :that's not me saying that, of course. I think Sephy is one of the sexiest mans-es. I'm a bad girl at heart. Can't stay away from the evil ones XD). That's where he killed her. He killed her. She was praying for Holy to save them. He came out of nowhere. It was the most horrifying scene that Cloud had ever seen. Sephiroth's Masamune pierced through her abdomen. Maybe the most disturbing thing was the fact that she remained smiling.  
Sephiroth disappeared and Cloud was alone with Aeris' body, crumpled in his arms, lifeless. He found a small pond outside the city, waded into the water, carefully holding her, his eyes still wet and red from the tears he shed, and let go of her. It was the hardest thing that he would ever do._

He lost his balance and caught himself, bracing the ground with both hands and now sitting on his knees. He hadn't realized it, but he was crying. A few warm tears rolled down his cheeks and fell into the pool. He quickly stood up and walked away toward the old ruins, fresh tears forming in his eyes. He walked away, his soul still shattered, his heart still broken, now and forever a broken man.

_Been a long road to follow_

_Been there and gone tomorrow_

_Without saying goodbye to yesterday_

_Are the memories I hold still valid?_

_Or have the tears deluded them?_

_Maybe this time tomorrow_

_The rain will cease to follow_

_And the mist will fade into one more today_

_Something, somewhere out there keep calling_

_Am I going home?_

_Will I hear someone singing solace to the silent moon?_

_Zero gravity what's it like?_

_Am I alone?_

_Is somebody there beyond these heavy aching feet?_

_Still the road keeps on telling me to go on._

_Something is pulling me._

_I feel the gravity of it all._

_ "Gravity" by Yoko Kanno/ Performed by Maaya Sakamoto_


	2. Crucify My Love

12/13/04 I'm tired and my eyes are freaking out on me. I finally finished my 2 first chapters that I had typed previously, but a certain PC _lost it! _I said that I would write a little more on Apologies and here it is. I didn't? Well, if you read "The ghost woman and the hunter" you might have been confused or wonder what happened with Cloud and Tifa in the car? So maybe this will fill in some gaps. I had this written out and I'm adding more as I go along. I've got nearly 50 of them already. WHOO!

**Disclaimer**: _Evil squeakers_: **_Aeris, Cloud Tifa, and the other characters are property of their respective owners. Namely SquareSoft/SquareEnix. So don't sue us._**

_Jing**: What the heck are you talking about? If anyone gets sued it's gonna be me! You guys will get off lucky. All the more reason for you to get it good on the disclaimer! IF YOU DON'T YOU SHALL ALL BE MAIMED!!!**_

_Squeakers**: Eeep!!**_

_Jing**: On with the show!!**_

_**Crucify my love**_

_**If my love is blind**_

_**Crucify my love**_

_**If it sets me free**_

_**Never know, never trust**_

_**That love should see a color**_

_**Crucify my love**_

_**If it should be that way**_

_**Swing the heartache**_

_**Feel it inside out**_

_**When the wind cries**_

_**I'll say my goodbye**_

_**Tried to learn**_

_**Tried to find**_

_**To reach out for eternity**_

_**Where's the answer**_

_**Is this forever?**_

_**Like a river flowing to the sea**_

_**You'll be miles away and I will know**_

_**I know I can deal with the pain**_

_**No reason to cry**_

_**Crucify my love**_

_**If my love is blind**_

_**Crucify my love**_

_**If it sets me free**_

_**Never know, never trust**_

_**That love should see a color**_

_**Crucify my love**_

_**If it should be that way**_

_**Till the loneliness shadows the sky**_

_**I'll be sailing down and I will know**_

_**I know I can clear clouds away**_

_**Oh! Is it a crime to love?**_

_** "Crucify My Love" by X Japan**_

_**(Long live X Japan!!!)**_

_**Apologies Unfinished**_

****The landscape flashed by as Tifa stared through the rain drenched window. All she wanted to do right now was disappear. She felt so little and insignificant. That and the fact that she knew now that she would _never_ have Cloud's heart.

Even after all these years, he still hadn't let go of her. She was killed 2years ago in an attempt to save the planet from Sephiroth. He still held on to her and his guilt like a life line. It just didn't make sense. He longs for someone he can never have. _Cloud…_

She had known him since childhood. She had never felt that he was ever more than just a friend but over time – a rather short amount of time- she began to feel different. That's right. It was right about the time that Aeris came. She thought that she had been rather obvious about her feeling for him. Either he was a complete numbskull or he just didn't have any interest. She immediately began to feel those old jealous and resentful feelings. They had known each other nearly all their lives and then he met Aeris; he knew her for _maybe_ a few months? She hated to see that look he gave her. She made him blush like she had never seen anyone blush. He hardly ever talked to her when _she_ was around -. She reprimanded herself, and immediately became disgusted with her nasty thoughts. Aeris was a special friend. They all suffered a loss. She should be more sympathetic to Cloud. He suffered more than any of them. He promised to protect her and insured her safety and he failed. Now he blamed himself. But she just couldn't do it. He had moped about for too long. She was dead now and he needed to face that! She would never come back!

It was too much for her to control. All of her pent up anger and jealousy from the years past began to overwhelm her being. She couldn't let this go on any longer. It stopped right here!

"STOP IT RIGHT NOW!!"

Cloud slammed on the brakes. Tifa opened the door and stomped into a nearby city park. Poor Cloud was more confused than ever. He never understood her when she had her mood swings. He could only stare, dumbfounded. He snapped out of it. He quickly found a place to park the car and ran after her.

"What the hell is your problem?" He yelled after her.

"YOU!!!" The anger evident in her eyes.

His jaw hung open and his eyes grew wide. "WHAT!? What the hell did I do?!"

"AERIS!! YOU JUST CAN'T LET ANY OF IT GO, CAN YOU, CLOUD!?"

He blinked. "What!? Where in the world did that come from? I didn't even say anything!"

"You don't have to!! I can see it! It's all over. In your eyes. You voice. I can tell when you're thinking about her. And it seems to be constantly!!!" She paused after her voice started to crack and Cloud's face fell. She started again, a bit more calmly this time. "I know you feel guilty about her death. But it's not going to do you any good to dwell on it more than you already have! Do you honestly believe that's the way that she would want you to live?" She looked at him, anxiously awaiting an answer.

"I…I can't believe you're saying this right now!" a bit angry.

"I should have said it a long time ago! I can't believe I let it go on as long as it has! But I won't let it go anymore… I know you loved her…you still do… BUT SHE'S GONE AND YOU'RE STILL HERE!! … I…I'm still here." Tears she had been trying to hold back wouldn't e contained anymore started to fall and she softly sobbed as she sat down on the edge of a nearby fountain. Cloud forgot his anger and was now completely speechless. "You never looked at me after her. You barely even knew her; I've known you since I can remember. I… I always got so jealous when you were around her. Even when you just mentioned her name. I just… wish that you would look at me as you did her."

Cloud slowly sat down next to her and stared at the ground. "I'm sorry. I never knew."

"It's okay," she sniffed, "I never said anything. I wanted to give you your space."

He looked at her and gave her a soft smile. He slung his arm over her shoulders, allowing her to rest her head on his shoulder. Neither said much after that. They just watched the sun set in silence.

_Oh! I'm looking at you_

_Can't control myself_

_Nothing but pain for me._

_Wipe the tears from your eyes_

_Just leave and forget me_

_No need to be hurt anymore._

_Go away from me now_

_I don't know what is love._

_No need to be hurt anymore_

_You said 'I miss you so much_

_Every night thinking of you _

_And living in loneliness.'_

_But when you feel sadness_

_Never can I stay with you_

_I'm not the one you need_

_Close your eyes and forget me_

_There's nothing more I can do anymore_

_I lost my way_

_I've been walking in the night of tears_

_There I found someone was holding you_

_As the night was falling down_

_With my love also vanished my vision of you _

_My heart is cold now_

_You said 'I need you always_

_Everyday thinking of you and_

_Living in loneliness'_

_Can't find my way._

_ "Unfinished" by X Japan **sniff sniff** _


End file.
